Quake-proof Financier Prints

California Investments: Quake-Proof Your Portfolio!

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

Obama's Financial Reform Pill: I hope they won't need a glass of water.

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

The truth about the death of the Dinosaurs.

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

"Somebody in Boise needs my help. Run a credit check."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

Man to man: 'I turned down a raise because I'm afraid of heights.'

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

Got anything for the small investor?

Investor's Nightmare.

'The market was down today substantially on fears that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

'Isn't that your stockbroker?'

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

Green Bank

"Oscar, we need a good actor to present the accounts at the next tax audit meeting."

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

'Gas Prices Getting You Angry?'

"Call me paranoid, but I've got a bad feeling about this latest deal..."

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

'Do you remember those good old days when we had nothing to fear but fear itself?'