Q&a Sessions Prints

"I always say there's no such thing as a stupid question, but..."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Cat job interviews.'

"And you need to know this why?"

Bad Interview Technique

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Presenter Auditions.

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

This castle manager job better be for real.

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."