Punter's Ally T-Shirts

Football will be penalised...

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

Fan-Centric Stadium

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

A Good Bet.

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

"We did the sequel, we did the prequel. There's only one option left: zombies."

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

Gambler And Umpire

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

Donkey Fights

'Racing form on wall' -"Thunder lad is the only horse with a chance.. I've been following him all season."

-Sorry, I was ill yesterday -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the 5th leg!

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

"Tell me what you know about destiny." "It's running in the 330 at Ascot."