Puffin Enthusiast Pillows

"Don't be fooled into thinking he's a good provider, Muriel. I hear he buys it all on credit."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Lactose Intolerant

Pumpkin patch

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

A caveman paints from life

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Reagacentennial

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'It's an extinction notice.'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Love Conquers All

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'