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How to deliver a successful presentation.

'I'm going to begin with a joke so we can get the humor out of the way.'

A town crier ringing his bell and shouting the news.

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"Uh-oh. I think I'm having one of those dreams again."

Step out-- speak up

New World Orders

"The success of the guillotine helped it's inventor get ahead...let me rephrase that..."

'Without further ado, I will now choose my favourite microphone.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'We're running late and I have much to cover. Can you hold your eight-part question for later?'

"We've condensed your speech into one long primal scream."

"I show and tell them just enough to keep them wanting more."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"Were you going to say something, or were you just going to chew your cud?"

Reading a Eulogy.

'I'm the keynote speaker at the Shining Light Leadership Seminar.'

'I can't hear you if you all talk at once!'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'Umm, well, thank you Mr. Snuggles for that unorthodox report on 'To kill a mockingbird'.'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"