Proud Storyteller Pillows

'It took me 7 hours to get him into the boat. Actually, it's fake, and it took me 10 minutes to buy it off the Internet.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

',,,And we'd really like a heart for the Tin Man,,,'

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Hansel and Gretal

"This is what's known as a book."

Alberich steals the gold

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"So, kids, you should all be thankful we don't live during a potato famine. Especially you, Jimmy."

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"The Icarus story is just that- a story."

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'