Property Inspection Pillows

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I found the termites!'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"Homes on Holmes"

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

"Office of quality assurance"

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"