Property Inspection Pillows

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

'I found the termites!'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Homes on Holmes"

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"Office of quality assurance"

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."