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'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Unusual Offers

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

The Magic Float

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

What You Came In For In The First Place And Forgot Aisle.

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

"Dog food coupons! Dog food coupons!"

Time-Off Coupons

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

'It's okay -- I had a coupon.'

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

"I like to reward productive employees. Here's a 50% off voucher for the vending machine."

Casino. Ask about our frequent take-a-flyer program.

'They're small but cheap.'

"I actually have a groupon for a fourth wish."

"I'm sorry, but this has expired."

"I'm taking me voucher and going to circus school."

"I came in because of your two-for-the-price-of-one coupons."

"I'm addicted to online shoppin. It's so bad that I have a hallway full of unopened parcels."