Professional Development Day Pillows

"At some point we'll sit down and resolve our differences, but for now the plan is to continue exchanging bitchy emails."

'What can we do about this leadership course?'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

She provided customer service training to a diverse audience.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

How leaders fail

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

That shows business confidence.

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Teamwork

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Busy office.

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."