Probabilist Pillows

"I figure the odds of you being the smartest girl in the class for three years in a row are practically zero."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

Politicians are from Uranus.

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Leaving America to chance, the USA being eaten by a die

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'Optimism is the key to success. Inside every fat chance, there's a slim chance trying to get out.''

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

"The company apparently lacks LEADERSHIP. We need to think about the possibility of setting up a policy group...."

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

QANON PROUD BOY

"Bob said his decisions were only 30% correct...so he's trying to increase his odds."

Politics section of a library: 'Lies', 'Lies', or 'Damn Lies'.

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

"We should have copies of all the latest manifestos Sir. Try the horror, fantasy and science fiction section."

Probability Test.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

"Perhaps it's a bit early to tell, but I'll bet the Presidential visit changes nothing."