Private School Admission T-Shirts

'Mommy and Daddy have taken care of the high cost of private school tuition. The rest is up to you.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

The MBA Draft

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Bribes for Jabs

Yummy Mummies

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"This is my last day. My parents found a more expensive school on the East Side."

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

I got into the college everyone wants to go to! Well played. It's the perfect fit for me! Way to go! Eco-Club. Which one is it? Dunno. Why do you care? So I don't apply there!

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

Chère Maman

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Contest to enter the University

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

"Not the 'Princeton Experience' he was expecting."

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

'I'm hoping that this will take off and I will earn enough to pay my way through medical school some day.'

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

Boho Bribes

College Football