Private Musings Alumni Prints

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

Maximilian could see far away places,but he never told anyone.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"Thank you for your service."

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

The Pi Advantage

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

Graduation.

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

I'm not interested in buying new technology. What's wrong with me? Don't worry. I went through a brief period in college where I wasn't attracted to women. I didn't want to date or even have flings. It was a dark, horrible abyss that felt like it would never, ever end! How is this helping? Red Maxim repeatedly until it passes.

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'No, that's my photo above the caption: 'Student most likely to succeed'.'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'While the campus master plan does not provide for one, it does not rule out the possibility of a COSTCO.'

"Part of the old boy network?"

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'

'I had just assumed the college alumni solicitation letters would stop up here.'

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."

The Runaway President

My University's Fundraising Department

Class reunion of money and talent.