Private Contractor T-Shirts

'He's put in a tender to run down public services.'

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

hard-boiled egg...

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

God's Subcontractors

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

The Philip Marlow family

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Detective and child follow footprints using magnifying glasses.

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.