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'So, how was your day?'

'Just like being in the Post Office!'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Hey. You're back.'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'