Pretend Commentator Prints

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Egguy JUMP!! 62 Eggs like this. Gr'Egg LOL. M'Egg OMG so funny!!!!! 3.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

Sir Patrick Moore.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'