Present Perfectionist Prints

Invention to hold knots while wrapping presents.

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

Buried Under a Mound of Presents.

'I had much more last year.'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Hanging off every word...

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

D.I.Y

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'