Prescription Jokes Prints

'The doctor said, 'I had to take a tablet every day of my life'. I'm worried, he only gave me seven!'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Hypochondria Hospital

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

MD. Take this prescription to any grandma and get some milk and cookies.

Tinnitus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

"If you feel the hear pounding rush of first love, all your doctor."

Standup Pharmacist

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

'This is his third operation in two years. I'm putting in a zipper.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

'I've broken a tooth.'

'What's the problem?'