Preparing For A Speech Prints

"Room service, Sir, You wanted someone to listen to your speech..."

"If you're nervous, just imagine everyone in the audience without their Spanx."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"It's time to get politics out of money."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

William Pitt the Elder

Time for speeches

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

Victory speech.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!