Prenatal Check-up Prints

'Well, it all started with a group hug.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

Turn your head and laugh.

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'The needle was THIS big!'

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

'How far along are you?'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"Your baby's fussiness, whining, and general discontent isn't anything to worry about. It should clear up on its own in about 18 years."

Drinking Conversion Chart

Medical Exam

"The doctor will see you now, warts and all."

A footballer is having an eye test.

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

Ultrasound. . . AKA: Womb Zoom