Pr Magician T-Shirts

'When you do the article, is there any way that you can squeeze the factory into the picture?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'How fast can you hype?'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Team Leader

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

Smoke and mirrors.

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Inkwell Genie.

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'You may have three mergers.'

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

Interview.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'