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The day after Father's Day.

'I just wanted to thank you for grounding me to my room for the weekend. I took the time to start a computer programming company, which earned me $13 million.'

Man using a trampoline to reach and prune a tree.

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

'See? If Mommy had been wearing her seatbelt that wouldn't have happened.'

Man to children: 'My boss is only paying me enough to support a family of three, so some of you are gonna have to go.'

'Don't wait up. I'm going out on field research for about three years!'

'Oh yeah! I bet my dad can lick your dad!'

'I don't slog my guts out 5 days a week committing benefit fraud just so you can grow up to be a petty criminal.'

'Jimi played with his teeth not his dentures!'

'Stand by for shock waves!'

'When I said bring me a hoe I meant a garden hoe.'

"Shhhhh...they're in here somewhere. Dad's always talking about the cookies in his computer."

Painting of 'My Dad' - 'He's abstract'.

'Dad, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.'

Happy Father's Day: 'More allowance? What happened to the 2 acorns I gave you on Saturday?'

'I'm new to hugging son. I'm not standing too close am I?'

'I got it for Father's Day.'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

I know it's 'Take Your Kid To The Office Day', but I can't help it that I work at home!

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'Oh dear - Daddy's been replaced by a computer.'

Balloon Kids.

My daughter is a teenager. Her name is Kathrine. This is spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

'My children don't understand me and I don't understand me and I don't understand my children phobia.'

Happy Birthday Grandpa.

Dear Dad.

'Do you want the Head of the house or Dad?'

'Stealing hubcaps gets you nowhere... steal the whole car!'

'He's quite the hands-on daddy...in his way.'

'What does my dad do? Anything Mum tells him.'

'Don't you think that kid's a little old to still be sucking on a bottle?'

Balloon Kids.

'It's a slipper, Dad, you'll be getting the other one as a Christmas present.'

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'