Political Speech Survivor Pillows

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

Press freedom makes democracy.

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

When boomerangs argue.

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

'What a great leader! That's the best 'spend now, tax later' speech I've ever heard!'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

The Collective Unconscious

"The long prayer peek."

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

Bored Meeting

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

"Oh no Henry - Not Another one of your proclamations!"

"The aliens that control my brain really want me to get this job."

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

A silenced protester

"How did you get so good at writing these fake ads?"

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

"Hell and back. Very impressive."