Playful Penner T-Shirts

"Nobody's going to take you seriously unless you stop drawing those little hearts over your i's."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Mixed Doubles.

Holding hands

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Advanced footsie

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Love.

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Puppy Love

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Consenting Adults.

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

You are simply the Greatest

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'Henry, cut that out.'

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'