Plastic Critic Prints

"Well. . . I guess there will be no offspring, but at least I will save on the tuition fees."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The americanisation of vulture.

Kritik's Korner

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

Armageddon

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

A cross section of the brain shows what a man thinks about.

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

Movies vs. Films

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'