Phone Humorist Mugs

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'Hi, I'm talking into my hand to see if anyone notices.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

"Baxter, I'm doing an online course in delegating and I want you to sit the exam for me."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"I'll have my people call your people."

'Are you sure that hitting it with a baseball bat will work?'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Turkey Hotline

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

Ahab's Last Call.

'No wonder I'm failing math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I dialed the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'