Philosopher's Paradox Pillows

Thinkers Drinker.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

New Capitalism

Personnel. You've learned from your mistakes? Wow! I feel awed in the presence of so much education!

"I'm sorry son, I don't know how to answer whether today is opposite day or not."

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

Time Tree

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

"I started a new business. . ."

"What beats me is how you global warming sceptics always turn out to believe in local warming."

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."

'How soon do you have to know?'

"Say - MacDonald there has a good idea."

"I'll have a pastrami on rye!"

Clancy: Good Idea

'Is there really a Santa Claus? That depends - are we talking about the man or the brand?'

"Yes, my name's misspelled on my diploma, but then, psychology is an inexact science."

'You know how we drink to forget? Well, Arnold over there is our polar opposite.'

"I'm going to need the promotion code."

Well, you know what they say? Aspire to inspire before you expire.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"Surely a total abstainer would abstain from abstention?"

Early one morning The Grim and The Happy Reaper pay Alice a visit.