Pharmaceutical Fan Prints

"Time to take my horse pills!"

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

'Sure, generic drugs save money, but don't you miss the beauty and imagination of the classic brand names!'

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

"Looks like you're already familiar with the side effects."

"The codeine is ok and the phenobarbital is ok, but the FDA says no to the powdered bat's tooth."

Take two of these placebo tablets every day for three weeks, and that hypochondria should clear right up.

'It says right here, sir, three times as much iron as other supplements.'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"These antidepressants should help with your natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'Science will never find a cure for the common cold, That's all the job security I need,'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'The FDA now requires that we have an actor show you what kinds of side effects you might experience.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Drug vending machines at hospital.

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"