Pet Payment Procrastinator Pillows

'Wait...Sir...It's customary to pay for services when rendered!'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

Tamagotchi paralysis.

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

Separation

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Art Pets

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Does he byte?"

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

'That's the worst case of fleas I've ever seen...!'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

"He won't wait for me to open the can."

If you want full cover for your cat I suggest you take out the nine lives policy.

The Curse of the Werewolf

'You've cut me off. So how can I find my cheque book in the dark?'

"I don't usually tell people I'm a writer because I've never actually written anything."