Pet Parenting Chuckle Prints

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Is our owner hot?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

"Quick, act casual."

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

Tinder for dogs

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."