Pet Etiquette Expert Gifts

'Damn. He is FINE! And me without butt-mints!

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"Rats."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

Do you look like your pet ?

Preschools for Dogs

Sometimes he rubbed her the wrong way - which really rubbed her the wrong way.

"I don't allow pets on the furniture, but I do allow them on the guests."

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

"The barking ... it has to stop."

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

"I found it. It's catnip for the 5th anniversary and scratching post on the 10th."

'Oh no, I don't do my own mating fights anymore: Meet my champion...'

Procedure - A Fact.

'Frankly, he's nuttier now than he was before you castrated him.'

"Has anyone ever mentioned……" "Yes."

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

"No matter what, always take a small courtesy whiff."