Pessimist-optimist Debater T-Shirts

'Whoa! Half empty! Definitely half empty!'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

The Boom-Bust Cycle of Capitalism

'It was definitely a bang. You heard it, I heard it, end of discussion.'

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

It takes more than imminent danger to convince a true skeptic!

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Prisoner speech

'Half-empty, yet I can't complain...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

'I find it difficult not to entertain the occasional negative thought.'

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

The Dungeon

"Whoa! In 7 billion years, the sun will expand and engulf the entire planet, melting away any evidence it ever existed!"

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'Turned out nice again.'

"The glass is half full."

"Ambitions... to be proved wrong."

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

Writer's Block

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."

"Well, that's one in the eye for doubting Thomas!"

'You're new at this, aren't you?'