Paw-sitive Jokesters Prints

'Now listen: The best time to lick the kids' faces is right after lunch...'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Leaving cards.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

"Jill, you didn't use this volumising shampoo when you washed the dog did you?"

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

Hang Time Fido

'What can we do for you?' - 'I need a song removed from my mind.'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'Unfortunately, Rex didn't realize he was about to pee on an electric fence...'