Patience Tester Fan Pillows

"You're asked to arrive 2 hours early for your doctor appointment so they can start testing your patience."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Oh, oh - it's getting into organic."

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Relax.

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

One latte? That'll be $4.50. That apple fritter sounds good. I'll have that too. Ok. Anything else? No, that's it. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. That's all. That'll be $9.00 even. Ooh, are those macaroons fresh? I'll have a macaroon too. One latte, one apple fritter and one macaroon, and that's it. Well what are you waiting for? I don't have all day.

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

Control and Out of Control Group

The interminable!

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

"Go already! Stop letting them in! Just think of yourself!!"

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'