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'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"No heroic measures."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

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