Parrot Jokester T-Shirts

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Yes I can talk, can you fly?'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"He's a bird-dog."

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

Birdie stretches his legs.

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

Rider Helping Horse Over the Jump

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'And around here, Oscar, sniffing the boss's backside is not necessarily seen as a bad thing.'

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

Chicken Séance,

Velcro Paws.

'Are you still going steady with that left leg at number thirty six?'

'I don't know how, but he has the bird flu.'