Parrot Jokester T-Shirts

'I asked for more than a cracker and look where it got me!'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Yes I can talk, can you fly?'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"He's a bird-dog."

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

Birdie stretches his legs.

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

Rider Helping Horse Over the Jump

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

Chicken Séance,

'And around here, Oscar, sniffing the boss's backside is not necessarily seen as a bad thing.'

"You'll have to clarify. Do you want to speak to the head of the household or my dad?"

'Are you still going steady with that left leg at number thirty six?'