Parenting Sitcom Fan Prints

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I need to know who started it."

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Time for bed, guys."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Therapy for babies.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'How many times must I tell you? Stop drawing on the bloody walls!'

Impracticle Guide to having Babies

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"Michael, do your dinner."

"This dog has wheels!"

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"