Parenting Guidebook Reader Prints

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Dummies for Dummies.

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

(Preschool for Dummies)

Exam Room.

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

Ask your mother computer.

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

'According to the travel guide this is supposed to be where an attractive Greek maiden sits selling flowers.'

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Magazine says 'TV: Includes all digital, cable and satellite listings.' Man says: I've just finished reading the TV guide and it's time for bed.'

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

'Mummy said let it drop,there's a good boy..'

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

"It's just a phase he's going through, you'll see."