Parent-to-be Jokester T-Shirts

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Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

Dad Trophies

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'