Parched Poet Mugs

'Tap or bottled?'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

The New Normal

"Water balloons... water balloons..."

Jerry Lordan

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

Rebel without a cause. Poet without a war.

It MUST be Valentines Day!

'Publisher recommends a good paper shredder.'

Down On the Farm

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

"Would you look at that! Timmy was overwhelmed at the thought of his first shearing, but now, he can't stop talking to his friends about it. . ."

'Moon, June...'

"Why are we here?"

Valentines for Things

"Hmm. What rhymes with layoffs?"

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

"You just had to develop passive-aggressive expressionism, didn't you?"

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

Robert Alexander Schumann.

Heinrich von Kleist

Caged Lovers.

"Jake, we women find your lyrics cruel, demeaning, and uncool."

Hollywood Writers Strike

"We've always admired those literate prayers of yours, and it's our hope that you'll keep them coming even though you're dead."

Playing Sad Songs on the Piano.

"I really don't like poetry."

Vanity Publishing - The customer is always write

'Roses are red. Violets are blue. I resent being forced to write stupid poetry. Monkey tits!'

Poetic Justice

'I want to be a poet, but I can't afford a word processor!'