Pandemic Parenting Gifts

"So how many days was that?"

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Suffering from Cooties?

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Omg, bird and squirrel are here."

Baby cries into a cellphone.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Right kids, there's no camp and no vacation, but Mommy and I are super excited to make this summer our best ever!"

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Stroller Cellphone

Parenting Wonks

'Sleeping like a baby'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"We shouldn't have had so many kids. Now they all want computers and phones."

A baby watching coronaviruses on television

State Prison Child Care

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

"Try verbalizing it."