Oscars Hopeful Prints

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Hollywood or bust!

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

May I have the envelope, please?

Oscars 2024

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Welcome to Hollywood

So close... Yet so far.

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Oscars

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

Live the Dream!

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."