Oscar Night Prints

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Tom Hanks

Martin Scorsese

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

May I have the envelope, please?

Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

Barbie Oscars

Djargo.

Alicia Vikander

Will Smith's Oscar

Leonardo DiCaprio

Oscar Victory

On the red carpet

Geoffrey Rush

' ... and I'd like to thank the Academy.'

The Oscars

"And the Oscar for best wardrobe in a film based on a 17th century picaresque novel goes to..."

"Just call me...Mr. Saturday Night!"

'...And now the award for best performance by a politician trying to improve his or her poll numbers...'

"At an event some chick publicly badmouthed my husband. I didn't run on stage to knock the lady down because she was right."

Will Smith's Oscar

Beep beep beep beep beep beep. The guys must be her "back-up" singers.

Evening Gown

'We worship celebrity!' People bow down in front of a TV showing the academy awards.

Power of the dog

Andrew Garfield

"He's still upset there's no Oscar for 'most movies watched while eating pizza'."

"I was awarded this Oscar for my presentation of an Oscar at the Oscars."

"It's Oscar time - there's that special tingle in the air."