Orientation Specialist Pillows

'I'll get the bastard who said this was a short cut to the Post Office!'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I think I have found Mr. Right.'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Office Ergonomics.

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

Pole Star

Can I have a look at the map?

Oh no ... Outsourcing

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'I've been disorientated since my employee orientation program.'

Big Office: Sat Nav Hire

'Where does it all end, Miss Ellingsworth? You've got the promotion, the raise, and now you tell me you want a meaningful assignment...'

Neither Here nor There

"Well, Mr. Swanson, I don't know that I can help you improve your standing in your focus group, but I can definitely check out your visual focus."

"We've just bought some software that's 20% better at being you for half the cost so we're letting you go."

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...

'Freshfields are spending three weeks telling staff about the benefits of working there.'

"And just as a heads up, if at any point during your time here I ask 'Can I talk to you for a minute', you should probably just start packing up your stuff."

Junk Bonds - In and Out trays.

The Seeing-Eye Squirrel

Man to mechanic: 'Whever my wife is next to me, it pulls to the right.'