Optimistic Suitors Pillows

'She didn't say she'd go out with me, but she left the door open for further negotiations.'

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

Newspaper headline is CUTE PUPPY RESCUED. Cat says: 'Sigh! It's all bad news in the papers, isn't it?'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

Masochistic Soccer Fan

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

"She doesn't have the hots for you. She doesn't even have the lukewarms for you."

Wishing Well 10c. . . Second Wish Free

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"Sure - you could move to Florida - but, then, you wouldn't have the wonderful change of seasons.."

'I guess it was time to clean out the refrigerator.'

Tall, dark & handsome.

'Sure, you can marry my daughter when you have some money...here's five bucks.'

"Could be worse."

"And to think, when we met online people said it would never last."

"One nice thing about winter...makes the masks feel good!"

A new "U" vending machine

'I remain confident we will pull out of this nose dive.'

"Frank likes the Happy News show on the Nostalgia Channel. It plays fake news reels of the Good Old Days."

"It was a golden age, a time of optimism and hope for the future, an age of enthusiasm and excitement...anything was possible!"

'Hi, I'm Donald and I have been too enthusiastic for forty years.'

A free wish? I could do with a new cap!

"I know we broke up months ago, but social distancing has made it too hard to meet new people."

'Cheer up, son. Life is just a bowl of hand grenades!'

The Happy Movie - Warning: This movie contains no death, murder,explosions,fighting or violence of any kind whatsoever. 'What do you think?'

Necessary glasses

"This is a special night, so instead of an order from the car, we'll go inside!"

Why hasn't she text me to say she's late? She's stood you up. No, maybe it's okay, maybe she's had an accident...

"According to the pollsters I'm your ideal partner."