Opening A Theme Park T-Shirts

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

End the Winter Blues

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"The lakes are getting more like a theme park."

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Tunnel of TV

"Tunnel of love"

Tunnel of Like.

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

Tunnel of Whale Guts

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

'...Please stop the...'

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

"Now this is a dog park!"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

Funnel of Love.

The Big Game Park

Tunnel of like.

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.

Mine Shaft of Love.

Summer Outing Planning

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi

Roller Coasters

"I knew something didn't sound right!"