Online Etiquette Enforcer Prints

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

Lynching on social media

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

This problem began in the 1950's...

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"I've warned you about your offensive touching. Keep your hands off your face!"

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

"Sorry, guys, forgot I was back in the office."

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

"How much do you tip your genie?"

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"As your attorney, I advise you not to talk during the movie."

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

"You know I hate when you check your messages at the table."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"Ignoring LinkedIn requests is the new 'get lost'."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

"For persistent coughers."

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

Cull people who use golf umbrellas in a busy high street.

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

'Get down on the ground!! DOWN ON THE GROUND!!'

Online vs. Offline Behaviour

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"