Office Ironists Pillows

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Why Superman flies himself

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

Foreclosed

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"Who the hell is responsible for this no-blame culture???"

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

dog-come ingo out boxes

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'