Office Humor Artist Pillows

Step into my office. We need to talk. About what? Does it matter? We need to talk is never good. We need to talk is a harmless phrase that isn't necessarily ominous. Well … ok, coming in. Collar grabbing is also a much-maligned gesture, don't you think? D'oh!

"Good God Harris! When you said there was an 'Elephant in the room' I assumed it was a figure of speech!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."