Office Etiquette Mugs

'Just curious, Dawkins, what does the corporate dresscode say about clamdiggers?'

"Be prepared when you meet Mr. Henderson. He gives hugs."

Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.

'It's not for security. The boss hates for cellphones to go off during his meetings.'

'I think there's something in here about grabbing that last doughnut without first asking around!'

"Oh sure, I can talk now."

"I hit reply all too many times."

"Ahem. No texting PLZ."

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"I hate it when he eats at his desk."

Bob was in the middle of his big presentation when suddenly, without warning, his deodorant failed.

"Gift"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"New meeting rule: No looking at phones or playing with string."