Office Employees Pillows

'One thing all our employees share, is a conviction they must have done something horrible in a past life, to work here.'

Hidden Agenda

'Your request for a company vehicle has been approved, however, it's not the Cadillac you wanted. Since you need the exercise, you're getting a skateboard.'

'Fred and Carol sure know how to get the most out of a coffee break.'

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

"Can I offer you a cup of tea?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"